I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
