Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is my gift to your gina
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
