ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i already hear my dad disowning me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
