I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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