he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
