just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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