I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
