false alarm. still invincible.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
