She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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