i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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