why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
