We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Randomize
