He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
