This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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