I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
