turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
