discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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