are you so shy because you have an std?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
