How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Houston, we have a squirter
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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