i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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