i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
