It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
