I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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