Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
