new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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