A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
