what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
