so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
