sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
