So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
