Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
