If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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