Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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