Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
