ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
