I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's just like the Real World with babies
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
