I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
