That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I touched a dick in church today
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
