What did we do last night that was yellow?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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