i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
