Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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