I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
