If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
