Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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