I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
