In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
