oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
