some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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