the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
