I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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